My mission president required a final report from each departing missionary. These reports were to include lessons learned, our precious experiences with the Spirit, and stories of the people we taught. Here's mine.
To Know God and Jesus
John 17:3—“And this is life eternal, that they might know thee, the only true God and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent.” It is clear that in order to have a fullness of joy, our understanding of the gospel must exceed a mere understanding of the principals we study and teach. It is good to be able to list off God’s titles, his works, and his character traits, but it is not enough. To know God is to have spiritual intimacy with him. Intimacy is love compounded with trust; it is a two-way street, and it is the key to becoming a self-driven missionary. Over the course of the last two years, I have developed an inkling of this kind of intimacy in several different ways:
1. Forgiveness and cleansing of sins through the Atonement. Before my mission I was screwed up. Like, bad. But through the miraculous gift of repentance I overcame my addictions and tasted the fruit of the tree of life. It was beyond description, the most remarkable thing I have experienced in my entire life. Through the Atonement, I have felt the forgiveness, cleansing, and strengthening that came by the Holy Ghost when my desires to serve God finally caught up with the covenants I had made at my baptism eleven years earlier. I have learned to be merciful and patient with others’ weaknesses just as the Savior does. And I have forgiven myself for who I was before. I love my Savior because of the gift he has given me, and like the sons of Mosiah I will forever be grateful and live my life to serve him: “Now they were desirous that salvation should be declared to every creature, for they could not bear that any human soul should perish; yeah, even the very thoughts that any soul should endure endless torment did cause them to quake and tremble. And thus did the Spirit of the Lord work upon them, for they were the very vilest of sinners. And the Lord saw fit in his infinite mercy to spare them” (Mosiah 28:3-4).
In a way that is as ironic as it is sublime, some of the most sincere, spiritual people I have met on my mission are people who messed up in serious ways but later repented. They love Jesus Christ, more than most of the members I knew back home who never committed any serious transgressions, because of the gift he gave to them. They’ve felt the healing and know with all that is in them that the gospel is true and tangible. I’ve learned to love them for how far they’ve come rather than judge them for their weaknesses—for who among us is truly without sin?
2. Healing and consolation through the Atonement. For those who are not guilty of grievous sins and therefore do not need forgiveness to the extent that others do there is still the chance to feel the love of God through the Atonement. Christ suffered everything that we ever have or ever will so that He could know us. He understands the trials we undergo as we take upon us the burden to share the gospel to a world weary with sin. In moments of calm and solitude, when I looked back on the day’s labors only to realize I had fallen short of what my Savior, my leaders, and I expected of me, I would sorrow as Nephi did. I have since come to understand that the Atonement applies to missionaries as well as investigators, that when I feel discouraged or doubt myself I can turn to the Lord with a broken heart and have it mended. I believe I have learned what the Savior meant when he said, “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30)
3. Exact obedience. The happiest times on my mission were also the most obedient. Have you ever tried to go just an hour without breaking one of the mission rules? A day? A transfer? If the Savior were a WA-TAC missionary, he would be exactly obedient. That is how he conducted his entire life. He did not sin, ever. It was a tremendous feat of discipline and love. He lived a life of consecration and exact obedience so that he would be worthy to suffer for our sins at the end. No missionary, however good at finding, teaching, and baptizing they think they are, can come to know the Savior without striving for obedience. That is the price we pay.
4. Receiving personal revelation. The Lord is interested in our lives—I know this to be true because He gives me direction daily. Much of it pertains to missionary work; a great deal is for after my mission—what school I should attend, what career to pursue, how to raise my children. Some of this comes through my study of the scriptures, to be sure, but most of it has come through pondering and as a result of my willingness to work. As President Uchtdorf put it this last General Conference, “The greatest answers to prayer usually come on our feet, not our knees.” As I have put forth the effort to find, the Lord has put people in my path who are ready to hear. Revelation is what sets us apart as a church and as a mission. What are we doing to receive it?
Becoming a Chosen Missionary
It took me a long time, somewhere around 18 months, before I came to an understanding of what it means to be a consecrated missionary. It happened when I was serving in the office with Elder Draper. We had the opportunity to take a group of dying missionaries to the temple for their PPI with the Lord. That final trip to the temple is a sacred experience in which each WA-TAC missionary has the opportunity to give accounting before God and find out whether or not their sacrifice of two years was acceptable to our Father in Heaven. My greatest fear was that when my time came I would feel the Lord’s disappointment with my work. I felt like up to that point I had not been the missionary I was intended to be.
After a lot of prayerful consideration, I went to the temple with this question: What defines a missionary’s sacrifice as acceptable before the Lord? The answer came in the form of more questions: 1) What have I done to change the lives of others and built the Kingdom of God; 2) How has my testimony of the Savior increased and how has my outlook on the Gospel of Jesus Christ been enhanced; 3) What habits and skills have I developed that will help me to be a better husband, father, and leader in the church after I get home? I gave this a lot of thought and was pleasantly surprised when I realized it wasn’t as bad as I had originally suspected. However, I knew there was plenty of room for improvement. I held a personal inventory and made a promise to the Lord that I would step it up for the rest of my mission by doing and becoming what He expects of me. My focus changed completely and I fixed everything on the work. I set a goal to baptize at least one person each month for the rest of my mission, a goal which, though I did not meet entirely, I met numerically and spiritually through obedience and hard work.
I’ve reflected again and again on that decision. I feel like it was the first step to becoming a chosen missionary, not only called to the field but chosen by God and trusted with an important stewardship. The chosen missionary multiplies their talent and gives it back to the Lord with interest. That is what I strive for daily, though I all too often miss the mark. Because of the Atonement, I can look back on many of the mistakes I made before and on my mission and see them as stepping stones to success.
It is never too late to become a chosen missionary, no matter where you are in your mission or how short you may have fallen in your work. After Martin Harris lost the manuscript for the first 119 pages of the Book of Mormon, the Lord chastised Joseph Smith and gave him a second chance: “But remember, God is merciful; therefore, repent of that which thou hast done which is contrary to the commandment which I gave you, and thou art still chosen, and art again called to the work” (D&C 3:10). I testify of the power of the Atonement in missionary work. Weakness is greatness in the making if we trust the Lord.
The Power of the Spirit in Teaching
Those who know me well know that I never left Yelm completely, not in spirit. I served there with Elder Romney during my third and fourth transfers and loved it more than any other area I served in before or since. Though we were on bike and the cold snap in November 2009 almost killed us, we experienced the most success that I have seen on my mission outside of a zone leader companionship. It was in Yelm, during a lesson with one of our investigators, Antwoine Smith, that I learned just how powerful a role the Holy Ghost can play in teaching the gospel.
Antwoine Smith lived in Renton, but he came down weekly to visit with his fiancĂ©, a member of the Yelm Ward. He was very eager to learn, but we just could not get him to commit to baptism. Elder Romney and I went over one night to teach him and try once again to get him on date. Our efforts were backfiring. We were desperate, and we didn’t know what to do. With prayers in our hearts, we got the idea to direct Antwoine to the fourteenth chapter of Matthew. We discussed the story of Christ walking on water and of Peter exercising faith to let go of the boat, take a step into the unknown, and go to the master. When Peter began to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!” A period of silence followed, and Antwoine consented to be baptized. He told us the reason he was so hesitant to be baptized was his fear of going under the water. When he heard of Jesus reaching out to save Peter from drowning, it instilled in him enough courage to follow the Savior. If the Spirit had not come to our rescue in that hour of need we likely would have never been able to resolve Antwoine’s root concern. We didn’t know what he needed, but the Lord did, and He made up for our weakness and inexperience by giving us the solution to Antwoine’s concern. “Therefore, verily I say unto you, lift up your voices unto this people; speak the thoughts that I shall put into your hearts, and you shall not be confounded before men; for it shall be given you in the very hour, yea, in the very moment, what ye shall say” (D&C 100:5-6).
The Lord Prepares People to Receive the Gospel
I must have been the most clueless greenie ever to set foot in the WA-TAC. Naturally I was terrified when my trainers sent me on a tracting split with one of the priests from our ward. Neither of us knew what we were doing, but we had faith (well, maybe just hope) that we could find someone. With my heart in my throat, I knocked on the door of Gary Arndt, who poked his head out and told us to come back the next day. When we returned, it turned out that he had met with missionaries in the past in Lakewood before he moved to Spanaway. He accepted the baptismal commitment on our second lesson and became the first person I baptized on my mission.
A year later in Lakewood, after what I affectionately refer to as a “Black Hole Day” because nothing went right, Elder Marr, Elder Palmer, Elder Bartlett, and I were in the car picking our brains for something we could do to find someone. A rough-looking man with tattoos and a handlebar mustache was passing by, so we rolled down the window to talk to him. Our invitation was simple: “Do you want to check out our church?” He answered in the affirmative, which caught us off guard, but we recovered quickly and brought him to the church the next day or so.
This man, Skip Day, was one of the most sincere people I have ever been privileged to teach. He was living out of a camper trailer on the side of the road that was hours away from being impounded. Through divine intervention, we were able to find him a place to stay temporarily so he could get back on his feet. The Lord worked one miracle after another and after his first Sunday at church, a powerful Fast and Testimony meeting, Skip broke down and set his heart upon baptism, which he obtained a few weeks after I left Lakewood.
I know the Lord is preparing people every day in each of our areas. I have a testimony of the power of ministering angels and the preparatory work they do.
One Church—the Members Really Are the Means
Lacey 3rd & 6th: one of my favorite areas. Elder Davis and I butted heads a bit at the beginning before we figured out how to work well together. By the second or third week we hit our stride as we made obedience our creed and One Church our focus. We worked very closely with 3rd ward, visiting as many less-actives as we could and getting fellowship at all of our lessons. We had a recent convert, Sister Sutherland, who kept giving us referrals. We had the trust of the ward, and as a result, we got stuff done. We had two baptisms that transfer—both member referrals.
One of those was Chelsea Bopp, a girl who had performed in a musical with several members of the church. They took the leap of faith and shared their testimonies with her. The result? She identified with the church’s beliefs and the young women’s values and consented to come on a church tour. We hardly had to teach her at all; she had so much fellowship outside of our lessons that her concerns were resolved without us. Within a few weeks, she was baptized. It was a glorious occasion.
Nearly a year prior to that, I served in the blessed land of Yelm with Elder Romney. Though perhaps the most taxing three months of my mission, it was, in my opinion, the most successful and brought me the most satisfaction of any time in Washington. Three months of driving rain, cycling, and trying to find my way as a new missionary in a new area with a companion who was no more experienced than I was provided a solid base of faith and hard work that instilled in me a degree of confidence that I had never before experienced. I developed a great love for the ward and for the people we were teaching, and as a result we had three baptisms from member referrals. Part of me died when I got the fateful call to leave. My experience was, to me, the greatest testimony of One Church and the power of member work.
The Book of Mormon—the Lord’s Silver Bullet
I love the Book of Mormon. I read it in seminary; I read it after high school and five times over the course of my mission. I attribute my conversion almost exclusively to that book and its teachings. The first time I prayed with real intent to know it was true, I felt the Spirit tell me to talk to my Bishop and make changes in my life so that I could serve a mission. It was a painful process, but it was so rewarding, and through the whole process the Book of Mormon was there to give me comfort, guidance, and support. From the examples of righteous men found within its pages I have caught a vision of the kind of husband, father, and leader I want to be. I am grateful for those who labored and sacrificed to bring it about, whose tears and prayers were heard by a God who loved us enough to give us direction in our day. I am grateful for the blood that was shed in these last days to bring it to fruition.
I am not the only one who can attest to its truthfulness. I have seen many lives changed by the plain and precious truths it contains. In Yelm, while helping a sister named Dauna O’Leary become active in the church again, I watched her change from a skeptic to a die-hard follower of the Savior. Her faith, when we began teaching, was small but growing at an exponential rate. The Book of Mormon brought Christ into her life and the Spirit into her heart and home. I was able to baptize her younger son, O’Ryan, before I left and to return to Lacey a year later to watch her older son, Ammon, enter the waters of baptism.
On another occasion, while tracting with Elder Cook in Tacoma one evening, we met a young man from Vietnam named Lam Nguyen. Though he was only about 18, he was the primary bread winner for his family working as a roofer. His English was only slightly better than our Vietnamese, but we managed to get him on a church tour nevertheless. It became clear to us that the language barrier could pose a big problem in teaching him, so we asked the Lord for inspiration and gave him a Vietnamese Book of Mormon. Over the next few weeks we taught him the Restoration, Plan of Salvation, and Gospel of Jesus Christ from the Book of Mormon, praying that the Spirit would speak to his soul and convey the truthfulness of our message. The result? He progressed quickly, far more so than we could have anticipated. By the time we taught him commandments, he had a solid testimony of the Book of Mormon and took a pay cut so that he could get Sundays off work. He was baptized shortly after we met him. His conversion was a great testimony to me of the power of the Book of Mormon in missionary work and personal conversion. Truly the Lord has prepared it for our day to facilitate the rolling forth of His work.
Conclusion
The last two years have been a remarkable, joyous part of my life. I know with a surety the truth of the message we bear. As I have struggled to align my will with the Lord’s by putting His work first and preparing myself to be a more polished instrument in His hand, I have seen miracles and success like I never could have imagined. I have come to love the Lord as never before as I have learned to love His children. I hardly resemble the scared, tactless greenie who left home two years ago (thank goodness). I am ready to return to the Utah, Ogden Mission and use the skills I have gained in the WA-TAC to strengthen whatever stake of Zion in which I happen to find myself. I am ready to be reunited with my family and to take a long nap. But I will dearly miss you all, and a piece of my heart will ever dwell in the Washington Tacoma Mission.
“Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God… and if it so be that you should labor all your days in crying repentance unto this people, and bring, save it be one soul unto me, how great shall be your joy with him in the kingdom of my Father! And now, if your joy will be great with one soul that you have brought unto me into the kingdom of my Father, how great will be your joy if you should bring many souls unto me” (D&C 18: 10, 15-16). Elders and Sisters, my joy is full. May God continue to bless you in your labors as you consecrate yourselves to this work, in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.