God Will Force No Man to Heaven

A while ago one of my sisters got into an argument with my parents and another sister. The one sister has been struggling on the weekends to get up and come to church; she gets to bed late Saturday night and can't seem to make it to her 9:00 Sacrament meeting. The other sister and my parents decided to lecture her and remind her of all the negative consequences that she would incur by not coming to church. They concluded with the epithet, “The prophets have said we need to make sure our kids are where they're supposed to be.”

After she fled to her room in tears, I inserted myself into the argument in her stead against my better judgment and began to defend her. I felt my parents were wrong to get upset at her about it, and I don't really agree with the method they've used all these years trying to push us kids into going to church. So I expressed that opinion and said that I will not force my future kids to go to church or live the gospel-- too many of our youth leave the church in rebellion, not against the teachings of the church, but against the people who tried to force it on them. I do not want that for my kids. When I told my dad I wouldn't make my kids go to church beyond a certain age (I said around 12 or 13) he said, “Then you will lose them.” That's about the point where he left the room.

Later I talked to the my sister about what went on-- that's code for “I asked neutral find-out questions to figure out what was going on in her head and listened without judgment.” She expressed to me how she used to enjoy going to church and the spirit she felt when she would take the sacrament; now she takes little pleasure in going. She attributes this to two things: 1) pushy leaders who are concerned about her absence from church meetings and mutual but little else in her life; 2) poor sleeping habits that cause her to fall asleep in church and miss out on the spirit of the Sacrament. Whether these are the true reasons she chooses not to go only she knows. The point is, she already knows she should be at church, and badgering her about it won't drive home the point any more.

The prophet Joseph Smith was once asked how he was able to govern so numerous and diverse a people as the Mormons (this was during the Nauvoo period of the church); he replied, “I teach them correct principles and let them govern themselves.” I believe this, from all my studies in the scripture, personal experience, and reasoning, to be a true and eternal principle, especially when it comes to raising children.

I believe the most important things parents (and youth leaders, where applicable) can do to ensure our children don't fall away from the gospel are:

1) Hold daily family prayer and scripture study. By bringing the family together to study the gospel, we teach our kids through real-life, hands-on experience how to strengthen their relationship with our Father in Heaven. In the process they learn the language of the scriptures, hear our testimonies of the gospel, and learn the Lord's will concerning them.

2) Hold family home evening and family council weekly to teach one another, spend time together as a family, and discuss important issues, both temporal and spiritual.

3) Spend one-on-one time with each child (PPI's on Sunday or throughout the week are a great time to do this) to build trust by asking questions and listening. When children know their parents care they become much more inclined to do follow their parents' advice rather than if they are compelled or coerced.

4) Give children the ability to choose whether or not they will come to church and live the gospel once they reach their teenage years. With this choice, frankly inform them not once, but frequently, of the natural consequences of their actions, good or ill; remind them what the gospel can and will do for them if they choose to live it or the opportunities they will miss if they don't. Remind them of the rules of your home and that they don't have to live there, but let them choose. This is the thing that many parents (and youth leaders) have the hardest time doing because so much hangs in the balance; many believe that if teenagers are not made to go to church they simply will not. They lack confidence in the ability and character of the youth of the church to make good decisions, so they take away their ability to do so. This was exactly what Satan proposed to do in the Pre-Mortal Existence-- to take away our ability to make wrong choices and learn from our mistakes.

It is not the calling or responsibility of parents or leaders to save all their youth; we can only love, exhort, and invite others to come unto Christ by teaching correct principles and letting them govern themselves. We should let them know that even if they stray we won't be any less loving or understanding. Anything more or less than this lies outside of the Plan of Happiness and runs great risk of pushing our youth away. Our Heavenly Father, the perfect parent, still lost 1/3 of his children despite doing all in his power to convince them to stay. He knew that others still would wander away; that is why he provided a Savior, who provided us with an Atonement and prophets to teach us of that Atonement. As the old hymn says, “God will force no man to Heaven.” But He'll do everything short of that to get us there.

Like the prodigal son who squandered his father's inheritance and then came back a humble Tigger, our children will be more likely to return, even if they stray, if they leave the parameters of the gospel with a good taste in their mouths. They will be appreciative of parents and leaders who listened to them, took the time to get to know them and their circumstances, and who, instead of pressuring and nagging them to live up to someone else's expectations, let them chart their own course in life. Our Heavenly Father gives us ample opportunity in this life to make mistakes and learn from them, or to learn from the mistakes of others; we owe our kids these same opportunities. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Investing in Eternal Families

I've been assigned another talk this week in Sacrament meeting in another ward. Here it is:

We are all members of a Heavenly family. God is the creator of our spirits, which makes him our Eternal Father and each of us brothers and sisters. Our Heavenly Father's greatest joy is us-- specifically our growth, salvation, and exaltation. He wants us to become like him in every respect-- righteous, intelligent, benevolent, honorable, and a perfect parent. He knows each of us personally and by name, and He wants us to seek a relationship with Him, for this is the key to ultimate happiness: “And this is life eternal, that they might know thee the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom thou hast sent” (John 17:3). We can come to know him by centering our lives around Jesus Christ and letting the teachings of the gospel govern our thoughts, words, and actions.

The first commandment given to Adam and Eve was to “multiply, and replentish the earth” (Moses 2:28). This is not coincidence-- the entire object of our Heavenly Father's existence is to have joy in His posterity and to perpetuate the race, specifically the race of God. In Moses 1:39 we learn that God's work and glory, the whole focus of his existence, is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” In other words, our Heavenly Father is working tirelessly around the clock to make sure that we have every opportunity to come to know Him so that we can eventually qualify to raise the next generation of spirit chidren.

One of the greatest honors we can aspire to in this life is that of parenthood. Parents play a special role in the plan of salvation-- they are literally partners with God in bringing His spirit children into mortality. They also play another essential role: “'Children are an heritage of the Lord' (Psalms 127:3). Parents have a sacred responsibility to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs, to teach them to love and serve one another, to observe the commandments of God and to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live. Husbands and wives-- mothers and fathers-- will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations” (TFAPW p.6).

The whole purpose of life on earth is to prepare families for eternal life. The restored Gospel of Jesus Christ assists families in two ways:

The first way is through the sealing ordinances found in the temple. The authority to seal was given to the apostle Peter in ancient times; the Lord said to him, “whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in Heaven; and whatsoever thou shalt loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven” (Matthew 16:19). This authority was given to Joseph Smith in modern times by the prophet Elijah. The Lord made clear in section 132 of the Doctrine and Covenants that for families to be eternal, they must be sealed by priesthood authority. “The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” says that “The divine plan of happiness enables family relationships to be perpetuated beyond the grave. Sacred ordinances and covenants available in holy temples make it possible for individuals to return to the presence of God and for families to be united eternally” (TFAPW p.5)

The second way the Gospel blesses families is through its teachings. Prophets have taught us that “Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded on the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreation. By divine design, fathers are to preside over their families in love and righteousness and are responsible to provide the necessities of life and protection for their families. Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children. In these sacred responsibilities, fathers and mothers are obligated to help one another as equal partners” (TFAPW, p.7).

On my mission, I took the opportunity to memorize “The Family: A Proclamation to the World.” The parts concerning parenthood and the duties of fathers left a deep impression upon my mind because I knew that not too far down the road (hopefully) I will be a father myself. I will have many duties to perform, and I will stand before God one day to answer for the way I carry out those duties. And so will every other man or woman who brings a child into this world.

Recently I have started learning about business and investing. The most important thing I have learned is that before you invest in something, whether it be real estate, stocks, or commodities, you need to first invest time in learning about it or you're likely to lose your money. The same holds true for our families; if we want to be with them forever we need to invest time and effort in them.

I have already summed up the primary duties of fathers: preside, provide, and protect. I'd like to elaborate on these concepts:

1) Preside-- as priesthood holders, we as fathers (from hereon out I will include myself when I speak of fathers even though I have not yet reached that point) are responsible to take the lead in family events and activities. We are are responsible to teach the gospel in our homes to our families and hold events such as family home evening, family prayer and scripture study, and to spend time with each child to learn and assist them with their needs, wants, fears, hopes, dreams, and goals. We are to learn to use that priesthood to govern our families in the manner the Lord has instructed: “No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood”-- meaning that our priesthood authority is not a leveraging tool to make people do what we want-- “only persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile-- reproving betimes with sharpness,” meaning with promptness and clarity, “when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy; that he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death” (D&C 121:411-44). We are to counsel with the Lord and their families, especially their wives, in all family matters.

2) Provide-- in most cases, fathers are and should be the primary breadwinner for the family. But providing for a family goes far beyond giving them room and board; it means teaching children the value of work, thrift, and sacrifice; it means establishing an environment of love, security, cleanliness, and learning. We must teach our children how to manage themselves and their time. Most of the successful people I have met have come from homes where this is the case, though others may certainly rise above their circumstances.

3) Protect-- again, protecting our families means more than keeping a handgun in the dresser for home defense. We are responsible for monitoring what our kids view on the television, the internet, on video games, and any other form of media. The most effective things we can do to protect our children from drugs, pornography, and violence are teach them the gospel in the home, develop and maintain trust with them, set a proper example, teach them of the dangers of these influences and the consequences they bring-- both those you have set and those that will naturally follow such a course of action-- and to trust them, once they are armed with this information, to make good choices. Though some will fall away, many will return, like the prodigal son, if they leave the gospel with a good taste in their mouths and knowing that the door is open should they choose to turn back.

One of my favorite stories in the Book of Mormon is that of Alma the Younger. He was a young man who rebelled against his father and the church and then had an angel appear and command him to repent. The experience drained him of his strength and he fell unconscious for several days. During that time, he saw himself for what he had become. Because he had had a father who taught the gospel in the home and lived it, he was able to latch onto those teachings at the moment of utmost need and repent. He covenanted with the Savior to forsake his sins and spend his life in the service of the Lord. This and other stories, like that of Enoch or Nephi, illustrate the powerful influence that righteous fathers have on their children. I'm grateful for my own father in that he taught me about Jesus Christ and the Atonement. When I needed to repent and change, I knew where to turn.

I would now like to say a few choice words about mothers; I have always looked to my mother as the foremost example of patience, love, devotion, listening, and sacrifice in my life. She is truly an angelic woman, and has magnified her responsibilities as a nurturer. There are also many other role models of motherhood in the scriptures; the 2,000 sons of Helaman attributed their success in battle to their faith in the things their mothers had taught them, that the Lord would deliver them out of the hands of their enemies.

Finally, I want to discuss the duties of children in preparing families for eternal life. Exodus 20:12 gives the command to “honor thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” But what does it really mean to “honor” our parents?

The Savior said in John 8:29, “And he that sent me is with me; the Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things which please him.” He honored his Father in Heaven by his obedience to the commandments. We can also honor our parents by being obedient, by not fighting, and by becoming the very best people we can be.

I wish to close by expressing my love for my family and my gratitude for the lessons they have taught me throughout my life. You have taught me patience, service, gratitude, love, forgiveness, and hard work. I know the Savior lives, that He suffered and died so that we could be forgiven of our sins and live with our families forever if we endure to the end. I know that we have a prophet on the earth today leading us through direct revelation. I know the gospel is true and that its teachings will help us grow to know our families and our Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.