"As For Me and My House..."

A few weeks back I wrote an essay about agency and how it applies to our youth. I said that as a parent, I would never force my children to go to church past a certain age. I stand by that statement, though I feel I should clarify what I meant.

1) Joshua 24:16 "Choose you this day whom ye will serve... as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord."

As the head of his house, Joshua made an executive decision. He set family policy-- "as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." As a parent, it's important to make this distinction, to declare this in the home and to reflect it in the family rules. Those rules should come with consequences that are clearly defined and consistently applied when rules are broken. For example, in my home there will be a rule that the family goes to church together on Sundays. The family will go to bed earlier on Saturday night and wake up on time Sunday morning. From there, the choice is the children's-- go to church or stay at home with no privileges for the day (and/or week possibly) and write a page-long essay a gospel topic of my choosing by the time the family returns home. I also explain, patiently, that even though missing church now and then because they don't feel like going most likely won't damn them, that kind of mindset is the loose thread that unravels testimonies and families. In the long run, if they leave the church or go inactive they forfeit the opportunity to be part of our eternal family forever unless they repent before it's too late.

In this scenario, the rules and ramifications are clearly defined, and because I am consistent in my application of both they know that they can't expect to skip out on church or do whatever they want without some kind of repercussion.

Shockingly enough, some children will be indifferent to this-- it may be because they don't feel loved or appreciated by their family. If that is the case, why would they care either way about being with them forever? Far too many parents, both in the church and outside of it, fail to perceive the deeper yearnings of their children that go unfulfilled because they are trying to force them to be a certain way-- and then they wonder why their children resent them for it. As parents, all we can do for our children is teach them correct principles-- not just once but over and over again-- and let them govern themselves.

2) D&C 93:39-40, 50. "And that wicked one cometh and taketh away light and truth through disobedience, from the children of men, and because of the tradition of their fathers. But I have commanded you to bring up your children in light and truth... see that they are more diligent and concerned at home, and pray always, or they shall be removed out of their place."

Many of the early leaders of the church, including the prophet Joseph Smith, were rebuked by the Lord because their homes and families were in need of correction and were beginning to stray. If the church is the only source of gospel truth in children's lives, they are more likely to leave the tree of life. If parents are not more diligent and concerned at home, if they do not hold family scripture study, prayer, FHE, and family council, if the home is not conducive to the spirit, then heaven help the poor spiritually-hobbled children who limp (metaphorically speaking) into church and try to drink from the shallow gospel waters of Sunday School-- this is not a cheap shot aimed at Sunday school teachers, many of which I know spend hours preparing for and agonizing over their lessons, for which they are greatly blessed; I simply mean that the classroom setting, ironically enough, is not the best environment in which to learn (scientifically proven fact).

There, learning happens at a much slower pace because it is in a controlled, isolated environment, and the brain separates and compartmentalizes the two different worlds of home and church and everything associated with them. That is why many children and youth can give all the right answers at church and fail to remember to love and give service and choose the right as soon as they get home. It is much easier for the gospel to take root if it is taught in the environment in which it is to be applied.

A very backwards line of thinking I often come across is when parents neglect the gospel at home but reassure themselves by saying, "At least my kids are at church." I submit that there is nothing the church can provide, except for the ordinances of the gospel, that cannot be potentially provided with greater effectiveness at home by the family. The church is set up as a safety net for when the family fails, though it is by no means a catch-all; the family remains the most effective safety net, as it has always been.

I know the church is true; it has been a blessing in my life and has definitely helped prevent me from slipping through the cracks. It is inspired by God, that we may become perfected in Christ if we follow him. I know that families are divinely established by God for the upbringing of his children. I can't wait to have my own. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.